indescribable feeling

Have you ever felt something indescribable? I always wonder about this strange feeling.It is something that you can say ,''real'' but when you think about it,its hard to name and distinguish what it is.
Excited but timid,happy but lonely,lively but stupid,starving but no urge to eat,trusting but doubting,loving but hurting..etc...OH,WHAT A WEIRD ,STUPID FEELING!I even thought,would it be possible that I'm the only person whose experiencing these weird stuff?Am i weirdo?ABNORMAL?should i consider myself alien?...Something would just abruptly enter my mind thus,made me start to think endlessly like a mad girl.
I Want to go, but whats stopping me?I want to keep pushing but what's pulling me back?I want to aim high but what's holding me down?I want to glow but where can I find light?I want to be satisfied but nothing seems to give me a fulfilling life.
When being encouraged,I'm overwhelmed with so much positivity;enthusiastically hoping for greatness to achieve.Suddenly,When being criticized,corrected,embarrassed,it turned me like a dying flower, doubting in beauty, filled with hopelessness that life would be impossible.Am I going to chase after the wind?Am I running aimlessly?Am I fighting stupidly?I felt nothing like a useless trash and a glass that is never had a chance to be filled up but remained empty for years.
If I have a choice I would rather choose wonderful, great and awesome things in life.I want to feel free.Positive in everything--Joyful and field with hope to see my future in abundance.But who can run in reality of life?WHO can hide in the truth?We can always disguise of our true feelings;We can ignore hurts and pretend to be happy;We can live a pretty life forgetting our awful life and just leaving our responsibilities BUT NEVERTHELESS,We will wake up one day and tell ourselves,'' There's something lacking IN ME." I WANT TO BE FREE!!!
THE GREAT QUESTION IS:WHO WILL GIVE YOU FREEDOM?