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The subtle aggression of girls

Speaking of competing women, Germans created a term called "stutenbissig". It's supposed to describe the phenomenon that women are said to be very afraid of other women who might knock them from their perches, however, they don't show this frankly (by openly fighting their battles), but tend to scheme, to knife, to exert emotional pressure and so on. I never liked this term very much, as I always thought this behaviour (which I can't deny to have observed many times, too) had to be rather a result of our society (teaching girls not to show their needs and agression openly, but to be a good girl) than a speficic female character trait.

Seems that I was wrong. A study of the Emmanuel College in Boston showed that girls are indeed as aggressive as boys, but choose completely different ways to act aggressively - and this at the very early age of only 4 years already! The researchers asked groups of three kindergarten-kids to fight for a special doll. Half of the groups consisted of only boys, the other half of only girls. The boys chose very direct ways to get hold of the doll: They showed their aggression towards the current doll-owner openly, or they took the doll away from him with might and main. The girls, however, didn't do any of this. Instead, the two girls who did not hold the doll at a current moment, allied themselves against the doll-owner, they hid away from her or whispered in front of her. In other words: they used "social aggressive tactics" as the researchers called it: they redlined the doll-owner and put emotional pressure on her.

I was quite surprised to read that these mechanisms work already at the age of 4, I have to say! I think every one of us has suffered from such strategies now and then during her life, but I wouldn't have expected it to start it that early! So what do you think: is it a typical femal character trait to act like that? Or does socialization show its effects on us women that quickly?

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by nalini on November 3, 2008 at 3:55pm: I feel it's because the society enforces gender specific behaviour from a very early age. I've seen how new borns are treated by their mothers and grand parents. If a baby boy cries aloud,( even if he's crying because of hunger), they treat it as aggression and pet him for that, as if it's a good trait and they respect it. If a baby girl cries aloud, they shoo her to stop.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by aiko on November 28, 2008 at 12:13am: i am always so suprised as you do. i even thought it is human nature expecially girls who is more detailed than boys. it could be kind of personality since born. Anyway maybe i just guess so.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by aiko on November 28, 2008 at 12:24am: i do would like to know do you do these subtle aggression also or never, and what u will do when the others do it to you? thanks, sincercly; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Corrina on December 3, 2008 at 4:00pm: This isn't suprising to me at all. Here in the states there has been a big thing about female bullying in the grade schools and how to deal with it. I also have 8 nices' and I see them do this all the time against my son. lol In a way it's kinda cute because like a typical man/boy my son just completely ignores it.But it doesn't suprise me. Go to any grade school or park and you'll see it. All you have to do is just watch.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Crystal on February 8, 2009 at 11:31pm: very interesting!
I think it is in our genes, but I think that once we recognize it of ourselves we can choose to use other tactics. I would imagine that women usually choose to use their brains over their brawn because we are generally smaller in stature. I grew up with only boys, as for me I was quite physically aggressive. I did try to talk civilly first,though.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Asyikeen on November 28, 2009 at 3:49pm: Yeap, definitely the genes primarily and secondly social conditioning.

I grew up playing with boys mostly and i shunned the bitchy traits of girls. I'm more inclined to use physical aggression rather than be, well, bitchy. But, i think the girl genes in me stop me from getting into fights as well. A balance of both i suppose.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Allissa on April 1, 2009 at 3:00pm: I feel like i need to be aggressive, so i don't fail in life, because its so tough sometimes...; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by C00J on October 29, 2009 at 4:00am: Right, I defiantly feel the same way.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Emina on April 18, 2009 at 3:29am: I think there's always exception to each rule :) I'm sure I'm not the only one.. but I was always, especially when I was younger "physically aggressive" and most my friends, since a young age.. were boys :) I guess I couldn't relate to girls because of that "bitchiness" trait :)) So if I was in that room, I'd be figthing the boys for that doll :)) There's a term being used for girls like me .. a "Tomboy" and no, I'm not a lesbian and yes I do wear dresses :))) I haven't been physically involved in a fight for over 10 years now.. but I still do however get aggressive and that's just part of my nature :) so If I don't like something, I don't scheme and think about how I'm going to manipulate the situation.. I just simply confront and say what I have to say.. and I HATE people who are like those girls described above :); ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by C00J on October 29, 2009 at 3:59am: I agree. I am also a "tomboy" and I've always been physically aggressive. It may also have to do with when I was younger I tended to play with boys rather than girls.
Maybe, because these "social aggressive tactics" are already instilled into young girls, and the emotional pressure on some girls is so uncomfortable, it causes them to stray into the "boy's territory". And I believe other things play into this as well. Such as harassment. Girls are more cynical when it comes to this, and at young ages we tend to pick on the "weak", this also, more than likely, has driven girls to befriend boys more so than girls.
However, there has been a few times where I've manipulated a few situations to my advantage, and I hadn't even noticed until the person on the other end mentioned it.; ▶ Reply to This