Psychologically Unstable, your opinion is requested!!

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sheila jo on November 26, 2008 at 5:06am

Chonda, I'm sorry you are going through so much torment right now. It must be very scary and confusing to realize that you are having such strong feelings against your children. It sounds like you probably have other stressors going on besides motherhood. These stressors probably leave you feeling so drained that you feel you have no energy left to deal with the unique challenges that 3 and 4 year olds can bring to your life. I don't think these feelings are unusual, but it does concern me that you have been experiencing them for so long. Meanwhile, as you're doing your best to cope with life, you are missing out on the special relationship you could have with your children if you were able to better engage with them on a day-to-day basis. Although I understand the reluctance for "outside" help, please realize that the longer you take to make the decision to get help with dealing with your stress, the more your relationships with your girls will be affected. And don't delude yourself that they don't notice that mommy has more important things on her mind than them; children are experts at sensing others' attitudes towards them.

But until you are willing to get some support from a professional, take time to list the stressors in your life, including all of the people, organizations, activities, etc. that drain energy from you (including your children). Then examine which of these same things give you positive energy back or even have the potential to give back. Also really examine the pros and cons of leaving your relationship with your children how it is.

Hope this helps you gain some insight into your problem so that you can make the best decision for you and your girls.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Chonda on November 26, 2008 at 9:39am

Sheila Jo, I would like to thank you for taking the time out to offer any advice that you may have, it is much appreciated and yes, there is a lot in my life that is stressing me out, but the biggest is with my "Now" Ex, the father of the children.. He and I have not seen eye to eye in about 3 1/2 years and it has taken its toll on not only my body but my mind as well. We have tried talking, asking others for help and we have even split up once before to just see if maybe all we needed was time apart but nothing worked for us, so unfortunately here I sit (this is going to make you go WTF) still living with him, even though we have been split up for about a year now and the only reason is because of the children... yes I know, never do something for a child that may bring harm to anyone as a whole, I get that! I do have ONE bit of good news about this whole situation that I am in and that is this.. I am finally standing up for ME.. let me start over here a second, for you see my EX was and still is a Controlling individual and I was never allowed to go out, talk on the phone or even have friends, and it has Taken everything that I have to finally just stop and say " NO MORE, IM DONE", so come Tax time (ya know where all people in the United states seem happy for about a week until the money is gone, lol) I am moving out on my own, first time in 8 years, and getting away from some of the stress.

Now as for our children, WE have decided that for now, since I am so stressed out and ready to cave, that he will have the children until the end of school and I shall have them for the summer months. I find this fair and in a strange way, sort of relaxing to my mind and body. As for your idea about how I should sit down and write all the things that stress me i.e. family, friends (what I have left) and anything else, that is a great idea and I shall do that, maybe that will help me to better understand where all of it lies and how best to address each one on a more personal approach and maybe one day I will learn to keep a little less stress out of my life and to spend more of that time dealing with the issues that I face with my children, but who knows, maybe I am still carrying around the PPD (post partum depression) from when they were born and the fact that I am a Manic Depressant doesn't help either!!

As I tell my Friend, who has an MD in Psychology, I am a psych majors Dream and a relationships nightmare! But once again Sheila Jo, Thank you for your time and advice and I will make sure to keep you updated on how I am and where I end up..

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Sierra on December 22, 2008 at 1:20am

Wow Gabriel... That seems harsh, don't you think? Or am I missing something? Some kind of inside joke? I hope that Chonda is in a frame of mind to blow off your statement & invalidate your opinion at this point. She seems like she's in a pretty fragile place right now emotionally, don't you think, Gabriel? How productive do you think your judgement is.. for her OR for you? I also take exception to your perception that her frustration & her level of stress can be equated to "hate"... as well as to calling it a mortal sin... I would guess that you have felt these feelings in your life (what a blessing if you haven't). To be blamed for having feelings is nonproductive &, I would guess, hurtful. However, if you were just kidding around with Chonda, then I apologize. I just feel a bit protective of her in her current state of mind. As for the chocolate, now THAT'S a good idea! Stick with that kind of encouragement!

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Melodi on January 21, 2009 at 9:41am

Gabriel, How do you rationalize being so judgemental and abrasive? If that is your idea of twisted humor you are a sadistic soul, and it is your own eternal destination that is in question.

▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Ciaran Bracken on July 17, 2009 at 12:42am

The fact that you are in that state of denial it is time to overcome that passion of pain for yourself and your children but now you cannot look at your children as the problem as they are your mirror image they exact what you exact they do what you do. Your children are your offspring and they are yours you have created them by your own will and if you chose to be negative towards them they will mirror that back at you. Ask the question why are some children angelic and others devious this is not genes this a learned equation which you have to crack. Look at the examples that are hopefully around them learn from them change your ways as they will change their ways. They are computer processors they only do what you want to do because what you do is what they do. Take a holistic approach look at everything you do with them to their food, to their entertainment whether it be lounging over hours of television look at everything so as to find out what is upsetting them because believe it or not your children were born salt of the earth beautiful angels now it's time for them to unlearn the habits that they have been learning through you. Which is most probably your doing so do not look at your children as problems look to the problems that are lying within you and around you. Make them the salt that never loses taste make them a joy to be around sacrifice that much for them.

▶ Reply to This