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Is it easier to tell a lie than to tell the truth if you know it is going to hurt another's feelings?

people often think that lying would hurt other's feeling less because what they do not know will not hurt them. but i think nothing can be kept secret forever. so if they're going to lie now, the truth will be exposed later anyways. and they will be hurt even more.
Personally, i choose the telling the truth over lying. because even though the truth hurts, it will be easier for the other person to let go or move on or whatever the case is. telling them the truth is just like you're respecting them. if you respect them, you wouldn't lie to them. simple as that.

it's just bullshit to me how people would say "i lied cause i didnt want to hurt you" because by lying, they hurt me more

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Permalink Reply by Mimi on August 28, 2009 at 11:05pm: i am just like you. i also think that the people you aprecciate should be worth the truth, told in a sensitive way.
i think that most of the people are too blind to respect other peoples feelings...
and they are afraid of getting stressed.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by ♥ Sabine ♥ on August 29, 2009 at 9:01pm: Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth. :-); ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by be good twice on August 30, 2009 at 6:39am: I think there isn't truth in words. There is truth nowhere. Truth is only a desire of trust.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by be good twice on August 30, 2009 at 6:33am: Hi, Sabine ))
Hard question, not easy for answer.
I would prefer to avoid strategic falsehood but sometimes I use a tactical lies. I'm a human being and I can partially predict consequences of my activities. So I can choose either I have necessity in lies or I have not. Lie don't exist without many other actions and thoughts.
If I want to say that lie hurts me then I need to look over the whole picture. For example, if someone lied to me and I see it now, I must look on all I know about it. If he or she treated me badly before, I can decide that I have no patience from now. Or if this person all the time treated me well, I must think about hers or his reason to lie. It may be not insulting for me. Or if I don't know enough about this person, I will wait for a second time to make a decision.
It's obviously that if I don't like someone I can lie without caring about consequences. And if I care about someone I will wish him or her only the best even if I need to lie. Someone who cares about you, if you for sure know it, must have a presumption of innocence. But a presumption of innocence not for forever. Sometime it can be broken.
After all I think everyone needed to be judged clearly and with patience. And I think words is smaller in theirs meaning than activities. We must look on activities – they are a key to the real things ))
You see now – I'm a liar )) But I'm not a bad person )); ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by ♥ Sabine ♥ on August 30, 2009 at 7:31am: Hi ;-) Good point!
I think that for most people it is easier to lie. However, I hate lying, so I try to be as honest as possible with everyone. Most of the lies I've told were not intentional. I know that with me, lies may make me feel good.. but if I find out later that someone lied to me, I will feel like I wasn't worth the truth.. so I try to be honest with everyone! I've also noticed that this helps me be more accepting of other's faults and be less judgmental. Therefore, mean thoughts don't enter my mind very often. Lying is definitely easier, though, for most. :-); ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by kring_girl on October 29, 2009 at 3:44am: I used to think that we should always tell the truth to avoid hurting the people we care. Lying may give you an easy escape and easy comfort but not for long. We have seen relationships end up because of lies so we try learning from them. But , you know what I have realized now? You can't always mean what you say. Two circumstances may just suddenly run on you and catch you in the middle and you have no choice but to grab the easier one for the moment knowing that you just want to know something worthy from it but you're sure that you'd confess the truth no sooner. So you lied yet, hoping that you'll be forgiven the moment you confessed the truth. You have to lie to know something, to help yourself. Lying can be a sacrifice, in a way, but a sacrifice to know how much you're worth. I've been there Sabine and it involved love.

You know what is the best thing after I gambled myself in that lie? I have seen my worth and I was forgiven and accepted back. I lied but love knows the truth behind my lies and love understands my reasons. It was a risk I made to make myself whole again and love allowed me. Yes, I have hurt love and I was hurt more for doing that to him. I disappointed him yet, he stayed for me. Now I am sure I'm able to love him fully as I have seen my worth in him.

I am not saying that lying is not bad. Sometimes you will need it. It is the intention that makes it worse and the ability of the person you lied to, to see through you and consider your reasons. But you have to give importance to time as well, as to when you will lie it. The longer you lie the harder to accept. You need to lie for a moment to find the courage to confess the truth because some truth are bitter, if not to the person you're lying to, but to you.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by nalini on August 30, 2009 at 2:00pm: I think what is important is the intention behind what you say, rather than whether it's a lie or not.

I was a student when my mother was diagnosed with cancer. She was apparently well and the consultant who found it out, conveniently informed me the diagnosis. And he suggested not to tell my mother since she was apparently well, and knowing the truth could affect her badly. So I took her for treatment for years, at a cancer clinic, without telling her the truth. I just told her that they couldn't fully remove the lump she had, so they will give radiotherapy to remove what is left to complete the job; and that she had to attend a cancer clinic because that's where radiotherapy was available. She believed this big fat lie because she knew I won't lie to her.

It had a positive effect on her. She was glad she didn't have cancer-a disease she was so frightened of. She felt so lucky. She was not worried about all the tests, therapy and side effects: she didn't have cancer.
On the other hand, the liar, me, had to take considerable trouble to keep the secret AND keep her in therapy; to prevent anybody telling her the truth, I went to the clinic beforehand and spoke with the doctors; when she refused to attend the clinic because it made her so depressed to see all the cancer patients, I did the examination and tests myself as far as I could-and when I was finally sure that the cancer was fully suppressed, I couldn't even show my joy.

I'm glad I lied to her. And if she ever finds out, I know she will be too. I lied because I care for her. :-) About respect: it helped her to live with respect, than feeling like a poor, helpless victim.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by ♥ Sabine ♥ on August 30, 2009 at 11:15pm: hi Nalini :-) Thanks for answering my question, that was a very touching story.
I do tell white lies to some people. But a lie is still a lie regardless if it's white, gray, or black. I know most of us hate lies. I do. I hate it when someone told me something then later, I just found out that it is nothing but a lie. Fake. Untrue. False.
Lie is lie i would be ready to hear reality or truth instead white or Grey or what ever you say. because lie does not give idea to correct your mistake if person tells truth then you will never do that thing in future. In my opinion,We all deserve to know the truth.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Ben on August 31, 2009 at 11:37am: the truth really hurts and telling lie is much more hurts it is like you are betrayed by a person whom you thought is your friend and for me Sabine sometimes i tell lies in order to save my friends life and save my life too but in feelings or should we say that we don't like that person face or his/her attitude for me in dealing with that situations i don't really talked to that persons directly i just talked to that person in not so direct way at least that person will have no heart feelings and especially for you for not getting into a fist fight but when it comes to relationships especially love i usually tell a truth about my feelings to her i don't usually playing hard to get i am very direct to the point of a girl of what i am feelings to her and sometimes i lied to in a relationships and i just don't know why maybe i just want to impress a girl and the most amazing of these is the girl knows i am lying but usually she forgive me because she knows that i am just tried to impress her anyways that is depends on the situations but don't tell lies that will hurt others feelings later on just tell a truth in a most respectful and courteous manner and not makes that person feels hurt just say it in a most politely ways of saying ...; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by ♥ Sabine ♥ on September 2, 2009 at 10:48pm: well said! For that reason you and I are good friends.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Binx Salamanes on September 2, 2009 at 3:07pm: I might offend others, but I actually do that "i lie coz i didnt wanna hurt you" thing.

I believe that lying is a part of humanity. I use it as advantage to achieve my goals. Being honest, my goals are either to help my friends or to escape a situation.

But I do not do it always. I have to analyze the situation before I actually make up some story, because its useless if the effect of it would be worse than the teling the truth

I want to be noble by helping the people close to me, and I have decided to do anything to prevent their pain, even if I have to sacrifice relationship, trust, loyalty, my life, etc. It sounds very untrue but it is what I believe, so I don't care if I have to lie, as long as the good will outweigh the bad effects in the end.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by ♥ Sabine ♥ on September 2, 2009 at 10:57pm: Is something like what Nalini said, In this case - "I don't think that the means justified the ends"
thanks for answer.; ▶ Reply to This