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Is a Soul Mate or Ideal Relationship really possible?

I think maybe I am doomed to suck at relationships.

Am I just a hopeless romantic in thinking that a "Soul Mate" or "Perfect Match" for me is really out there?

I just got out of a "relationship" and I use that term lightly, with my best friend turned lover. Here I was with someone that I could see myself with for years and years and maybe even "forever" with, and he breaks my heart.

So even if you think your finally dead on with someone, you click on every level, have amazing conversations, etc....is anything ever really secure? What makes a relationship timeless and able to stand up to all forms of stress and anxiety towards commitment?

I was married for 3 years and with the person for a total of 7....somehow throughout most of that I knew I didn't want to be with him "forever." But the relationship that just ended......now that was someone I really loved....so even if we think we have found our soul mate without a doubt....sometimes those relationship end horribly.

I guess bottom line: Is there really that "Special" someone for each of us? And if so, fate and karma aside how do we seek and find that person?

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Permalink Reply by Matthew Craven on March 23, 2009 at 10:38pm: I'm intrigued......what book please ? Women seem to be the new men here in the UK. Most women I met last year were the ones afraid of commitment; but that is to over-simplify things wildly.

Amanda: I lived with the same woman for 7 years. I guess we aged and our ideas of 'soul mate' and 'perfect match' changed. And the rest (!). We all suck at relationships - let life happen: see where it takes you ("life happens whilst making other plans").; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by io' on December 30, 2008 at 3:29am: hmm, i've been looking for someone who wants to die with me. it sounds like "forever", but now i think i should have someone who "wants to live" with me. i need someone who vibrates in the same frequency of mine, but should she need me? how will she need me? that's the question. nothing more.

how about you?; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Vilia on December 30, 2008 at 8:04pm: A soul mate, do we really need one?
A secure relationship, do we really want one?

I used to think that a relationship broken because all of the participants were not trying that hard to understand each other. But recently I found that, it is not about understanding or seeing the others. It is about me and myself too. The way I see myself and the way I relate to myself really affect how I deal with people around me.

You must have heard of a quote such as, "I still love you, but I need more than you." This is the perfect statement for that condition. It might sounds selfish and such an underestimating statement. But if you able to understand the meaning and see it from a different point of view, you'll get the point.

We regularly update the way we see ourselves, re-evaluate our value, re-evaluate important things in our life, and many more. For example, last year I love to hang out, went shopping, having fine dining etc. So what I would expect from my man were also the same, I would like him to have similar likes as mine. But this year I am more into spiritual things, reading books, having a discussion with a cup of tea in my house. So what I would expect from him were changed. But I can't really push him to change, right? It will be depends on how he sees himself too. Does he thinks socializing and hang out are more attractive and important to him? Does he able to see himself being someone who put his routine more into spiritual things? And when the way he sees himself is different from the way I see myself, why would I need a relationship with him?

You see, this is not about a shallow love, a shallow understanding or a shallow relationship. It is a way to see what a relationship truly is. You might still love someone but he or she is not able to adapt with your changes. Not because they don't want to, but because they can't, as they don't see those changes as their value and they couldn't see themselves in such condition. You might also still love someone and because of that you can't and should not forced him or her for the way he or she sees him or herself is different from the way you see yourself.

It is about being related. A relationship. And a relationship needs changes. We need a relationship that could change us to be better and therefore it should always changes. We also can't force someone to follow or adapt with the changes that we expect to happened. Sure, we can compromise. But then it wouldn't be a soul mate in a secure relationship, right?

Therefore, in my opinion, I don't think we really need a soul mate and or a secure relationship.
We need a relationship that always changes and someone who constantly sees him or herself the way we see ourselves. :)

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If you are looking for a solution, don't look for a support.
Don't commit for being together forever, but commit to never stop trying to understand and change.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by forensiclove on January 5, 2009 at 12:38am: we need irst to love ourselves and soulmates can be cousins, or brothers, or fathers, or nieces...but one day it
would be nice.................................

Forensic-Love; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Allissa on January 7, 2009 at 6:11pm: I think that special someone falls into your life if you let it happen, If you are worried about being sucky at relationships, i think its a learning experience. I suck at relationships..for instance i hate talking on the phone with anyone, if i do i just say hi how are ya good.. love you bye..i'm not good at that..maybe you just need to focuz on you for a while before you start you search for a new person..i'm sure that your specail someone or your soul mate will find you. good luck.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Carmen on March 9, 2009 at 5:14pm: my best friend turned lover too, and i felt for him this way not since i saw him first, but since a friend only told me about him! i haven't seen him, but i was already in love somehow... we got friends later then... now we are together. the whole relationship is very complicated and it took us very long to admit our love.
i can't give any answers to that questions, i think i'm just about to find out more about these things.
every day i'm afraid of the day when its over. maybe it's kind of a first love thing.... but i don't want it to be that.

I think there are some special someones... but that doesn't mean that you can have a perfect relationship with this person...
It could be, but it don't has to. sometimes you just have bad luck, somethings aren't meant to be forever.
maybe he or she just changes your life and in your heart and soul you always know that this person has been your personal special someone...

I fear my relationship will end in this way too. can't stop the tears if i only think about that.....; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Rebecca on March 28, 2009 at 6:12pm

Everyone else is touching on the perfection issue, but my comment is going to be based on the possibility of having a soul mate. I actually do believe that there is a soul mate for everyone, I don't know if there is more than one for everyone, but a few lucky people have more than one throughout their lifetimes. I have met my first soul mate already. I was married to a man when I was younger, and I knew after a short time that I could not last with him. He was a horrible person, and I will never regret kicking him out. My soul mate came three years later.

I didn't really date after my marriage fell apart. I didn't trust men anymore, and I can honestly say that whenever new guy friends of mine seemed trustworthy, I would find immediate fault with them and drift away from their company. One year after my divorce, I was working at our local Wal-Mart, and had an extreme attraction to one of my coworkers that I never got to talk to. For a few months, I tried to think of how to talk to him, and the next thing I know, he's gone.

Two years after that, I had changed jobs, but had ended up having to come back to work at the same Wal-Mart. I was selling cell phones at the time, and who else would step up to buy one, but the one person I had never been able to ask out. For months, he would come in and pretend to be shopping, but he would never buy anything. He would always come by and say a few words of recognition, and then walk around, watching me for hours. One night, he waited until I got off work late at night, and offered to walk me to my car.

We were friends for a couple months, and then he finally told me he liked me. Much later, he told me he loved me. He said it first, and I explained that I couldn't find it in me to say it back. He wasn't hurt, and told me he didn't want me to say it until I was ready to. Eventually, I broke down, and admitted to myself that I loved him, so I told him. I wanted nothing more than to be with him. We shared everything with each other, things that even some of our closest friends never knew about. Our likes and dislikes were not perfect, but I never expected them to be. It's healthy, in my opinion, for each person to have a life outside of each other. Well, a few months later, he stopped wanting to talk to me, and then the dreaded "break" happened. Within one week, he'd slept with another girl, one of his coworkers from his current job at the time, and they dated for a week before she cheated on him.

I was devastated beyond belief. I never thought I could be hurt so badly. A month later, he apologized to me and told me he wanted us to be friends, and that he missed me and wanted to be with me again. He strung me along for a few months, swearing we would get back together "soon". I finally made the most difficult decision in my life. I quit going around him, I wouldn't call or text him, and if I saw him I'd keep walking. There were times where I actually wanted to cut myself, something I have never understood and never expected. Despite everything, I am still in love with him, and if he came up to me and said he wanted me back, I don't know that I could say no. He is my soul mate, that I am positive of. To this day, if I see his picture or even a mustang like the one he has, I feel that all-too-familiar jerk in my stomach.

Most people define soul mates as who you're meant to be with for the rest of your life, I define soul mates as the one you will never be able to forget for the rest of your life. Just because you've found your soul mate, does not necessarily mean you will have a "happily ever after" scenario. Sometimes you have to live with the fact that you will never have the one that you feel so empty without, and you will continue to yearn for them even after this life is over. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought that maybe in my next life, this person, the one that completes who I am, will love me back.

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Permalink Reply by Kimesha on April 10, 2009 at 4:10am: Rebecca, you and that guy may have had a score to settle from a past life. Remember, persons come together for seasons and for reasons. When we pass through each other;s life, we do so to learn lessons but initially, the hurt may be so great that we seem unable to sift through the scenarios to see what it was that we took into the relationship and what it was that we took from from the relationship. Accidents do not happen!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Stephen DeBord on March 29, 2009 at 7:44pm: The only thing that is certian in life is death, there's not such thing as a secure relationship and no offense only a fool would think that. I' got married last year for the 3rd time and thought the same thing about the first 2 they would last forevr but they didn,t after my last breakup i didn't even keep a picture of her or anything she had ever bought me even for Christmas. I just completly cut all ties with her i don't even think about her. So my advise move on you most likely will find someone better.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by LUIS on April 8, 2009 at 9:25pm: Hello Amanda

When one knows and just live happy moments with his beautiful soul mate as they say in my country and found that a growing her soulmate but as the years go by you realize that things are not speaking, in my relationship in cai an abyss of habits and lack of love and affection, in this moment I am working myself to save my ralacion sentimental with my family but I did not just my wife is also going to therapy and see it later when you hasat kindly with my wife and children, although one does not want to fall into the family routine, and we must take care, conbinar speaking with other routines not get bored on your case I would say that you must first rencontrarte yourself and to your strengthened for the next challenges in life, Darc again a chance to be happy while salt knows people have fun, time will tell the rest.
When one knows and just live happy moments with his beautiful soul mate as they say in my country and found that a growing her soulmate but as the years go by you realize that things are not speaking, in my relationship in cai an abyss of habits and lack of love and affection, in this moment I am working myself to save my ralacion sentimental with my family but I did not just my wife is also going to therapy and see it later when you hasat kindly with my wife and children, although one does not want to fall into the family routine, and we must take care, conbinar speaking with other routines not get bored on your case I would say that you must first rencontrarte yourself and to your strengthened for the next challenges in life, Darc again a chance to be happy while salt knows people have fun, time will tell the rest.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Emina on April 11, 2009 at 9:51am: I believe that there's more than one "soulmate".. i believe that my family and my friends are my soulmates :) I don't believe in being with one person for the rest of my life.. I don't think that's possible at least not for me :) Everyone's different however.. there's people out there who have been with someone for 50, 60 years etc.. were they happy all those years? I doubt it.. but times are changing.. divorce before was considered shameful and a discrace to the family name, so people stayed together regardless.. These days people get married and divorced left right and centre.. Marriage has no meaning anymore, at least not the same.. Everything's changing... temptation's bigger, people are travelling more.. maybe if we accept that "cheating" is part of it we could stay in a relationship.. I don't know.. I'm thinking out loud now :)) The relationships between men and women have changed.. women have become more like men and men are becoming more like women.. I think men are lost.. its in their nature to be the protectors and the providers.. nowadays women are independent.. they can protect themselves and don't need someone to provide for them.. So basically to answer your question, I don't believe that there's only ONE "special someone" for each of us.. how would you know that they're special? Have you met all the people on this planet? That's why I believe there's many soulmates and we come across them during our lifetimes... So, I'm not surprised when you have a special someone during your teenage years.. then later on in your late twenties and so on and so on.. of course it hurts when it ends, but you move on, and get to feel that again with someone else.. it can never be the same, its always different because each experience changes YOU... Don't be afraid to love and to live your life.. take it as it comes and enjoy it, you live only once :); ▶ Reply to This